Let’s not beat around the bush, women have a lot of duties and responsibilites in society. They are responsible for cleaning and cooking. Does she want to have a career? She can, after ironing the clothes. And you? Are you a free woman?
Let me tell you woman-to-woman, how you can live up to a stereotypical “female” expectation. You shouldn’t focus on travel, doing what you want, or dance to the beatof your own drummer. Fulfil the duties society has ladi out for you, and have kids.
There are differences within each culture, within each country. But at least this was the general opinion and stereotype in my country, Turkey.
That was the reason that I didn’t consider marriage nor having kids for years. The idea of marriage seemed to me like being chained to a life sentence.
Fortunately, I overcame this fear and have a husband who respects me and my life choices.
What about a child?
Before becoming wife, sister or mother, a woman is a woman. A woman has to have a personality. A mother who has a child wouldn’t spontaneously go to the theatre or cinema by herself because she’s likely doing for her chld. A mother should focus on her children, not herself or anyone else.
Many people told me: “do you think your life is going to be same after a baby? You talk like this because you don’t have any children.” I cannot talk or comment unless I have children. I cannot say: “be yourself, be free. If you want to raise happy and healthy kids, have your own personality, don’t be dependent on anything or anybody.”
They also add:
“When you have kids, you will have stable and normal life“
Everything is hidden in this word: normal.
What’s normal?
Excuse me! I don’t want to be normal.
Normality is a behavior that can be normal for an individual when it is consistent with the most common behaviour for that person. Normal is also used to describe individual behaviour that conforms to the most common behaviour in society.
Meaning, if you don’t behave, dress ,or live like others, you are not normal and being not normal is very bad.
Our complicated brains tend to view the world in normal-abnormal, good-bad, black-white.
I’m saying proudly that I’m not normal. There are no such rules or impossibilities in my life. I can leave my government job even people think I’m insane, go to another part of the world to live and/or I can travel with kids.
I heard many times people say,
“there are things that I want to do but I can’t.”
This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. I don’t believe that there is anything that you cannot do. It could be that you don’t want that thing enough. Maybe you don’t have enough motivation. The truth is, you can surely do what you want.
Are you unhappy about your job, house or life? Have you ever asked yourself why? What did you do to solve your problem?
“Ohh there’s nothing I can do. How can I change my job. I can’t unsettle now to work somewhere else. I’m not happy with my partner but what can we do. No, we don’t want to ask any help.“
Admit it! You create your problems and you don’t want to solve them, so don’t complain!
And then…
“Life is good for you!”
Why wouldn’t it be good for you?